Guys, we’re looking at this all wrong.

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I’ve heard so many incarnations of this, nice guys finish last, I’ve been put in the friend zone, women only like bad boys, etc. What they all have in common is their wrongness, especially the trope about nice guys. So, what’s wrong with being a nice guy?

The problem lies in thinking that being nice is a trait, when really, it’s the bare minimum anyone should do. No one, regardless of gender, is going to remain interested in someone who is simply ‘nice’. Women especially have settled for the bare minimum for so long, and they’re tired of it. …

Dealing with law enforcement shouldn’t cost us our lives.

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All cops are bastards. Sounds like a blanket statement? In a way, it is, but I’ve learned from experience, it’s one I can make along with many others. Saying not all cops is like saying not all men. If you’re not actively working from within (or outside) to make things better, you’re at least complacent. Personally, I didn’t want to believe it. Even with my history with law enforcement, I wanted to see the good in those I knew.

Because of my family name I’ve dealt with law enforcement, my entire life (and no that’s not a good thing). My…

The only thing more life-altering than discovering and raising my child was losing him

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I’m not particularly religious, but I believe in generational curses. I’m convinced they’re the cause of issues that course through the paternal lineage of my family tree — everything from addiction to poverty to absent or abusive parenting. I wasn’t cognizant of this growing up; I just knew I had a screwed-up childhood. But things came into focus when I had a child of my own.

My son (I’ll refer to him as “C”) came into my life unexpectedly as many children do. But this was more than just an unplanned pregnancy; I wasn’t even aware of C’s existence until…

Pride is important, but it’s only 30 days out of the year.

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As is prevalent throughout most of Pride month, I’ve seen a lot of posts across social media about people in the LGBTQ community not having the support of their family once they came out. It has always hurt my heart, even before I came to the realization I was a member of the community myself. I could never imagine abandoning my child over something they couldn’t control. But I know it happens every single day.

It’s heartening to see people within, and outside the community, standing up for young members, saying “Hey, I’m your Mom/Dad now” when these folks are…

To say they’re intolerant to the LGBTQ community is being nice.

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“My best friend is a gay guy, so I have no problem with THE GAYS.”

“What if I told you I was gay?”

“Well, you’re not. You’re married.”

“Okay, what if I told you I am bisexual?”

“That’s gross bubby. Why would you say that? Does your wife know?”

“I didn’t say I was, I said what would you say if I told you I am?”

“I would say you’re fucking gay and your wife is just covering for you. But you’re my brother and I would know and you’re not gay, stop playing.”

“So, it’s okay as long as…

Myths abound surrounding masturbation, but a decrease in sexual sensitivity can be real.

Photo by Andres Ayrton from Pexels

If you’re like me, you don’t need a special month to think about masturbation. But since someone decided May is Masturbation May, let’s talk about one of my favorite activities. A reader recently asked me if I masturbate and/or watch pornography regularly and if so, do they affect my sex life in a negative way. The short answer is yes I do and no they don’t. But that’s not the answer that will help anyone, so let me expand.

When I was a teen, I probably masturbated more than I did anything else. Why not? My favorite toy was attached…

This is a super fun toy. I'm glad we got it! There aren't a lot of toys you get that we play with more than once, but this one has gone into regular rotation and that says a lot.

My first experience with a threesome raised the bar I had set in my mind.

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I remember when I was younger, hanging out with buddies, usually drinking, and the topic of sex would arise. In any group of young men when sex comes up, it quickly devolves into a bragging contest and you can almost guarantee there’s at least some level of bullshit involved. I’m not saying it’s right, but it definitely happens and I’m sure I did my fair share. I had one male friend who consistently swore up and down that he and his girlfriend had threesomes with another girl on a regular basis. The rest of the group was jealous. I know…

When you open your mind outside of the bedroom, the pleasure you get once there is eye-opening.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Conversation about what goes on in the bedroom is not something I came into my marriage knowing how to do. Sure, I would engage in a little dirty talk here and there when having sex, but actually sitting down, outside the bedroom, wasn’t something I was used to doing. It seemed that sex was supposed to happen in bed (or wherever) and that was that. Yes, there was conversation ahead of time involving consent (do you want to have sex?) …

Damian Delune |Parenting-Sexuality-Native American-He/Him-Contact

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