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So This Is Christmas, In Prison
This will be my 4th holly (not) jolly Christmas while incarcerated
Christmas and the holidays in general are always a struggle for those who are incarcerated. You’re locked away from your family and friends, if you have children you’re missing the joy of Christmas morning as they open their gifts from you and Santa. The scent of holiday baking. Pine or whatever your tree smells like. Decorating. The lights everywhere.
My wife loves Christmas lights. Sadly, due to the circumstances surrounding my arrest and initial incarceration in the county jail, she will probably always struggle with this time of year and Christmas light shows. The day we rolled up to the police department as requested (under the promise of, everything is fine, we just have a few questions), we had two small children in the car and plans to pick up my daughter when we finished there.
We were on the way to a local Christmas light show, and even though I have never been a fan of Christmas, my wife is, the kids are, so I was determined to take them to this show so they would be able to experience something that made them happy. For me, that’s what the holidays are about — making my family happy.
As I was arrested that evening, we never made it to the light show and because of everything that went on subsequently, we didn’t get the opportunity to go later. Demeter hasn’t been since, either. Though she did tell me that when she was in Myrtle Beach for an office Christmas party recently, on the ride home, she caught a brief glimpse of the light show we missed.
And of course, it made her sad.
Christmas as an incarcerated man is filled with sadness. I miss my wife, I miss my kids, I miss my grandkids who I’ve yet to be able to meet. I hate that because of how much my wife is struggling financially to cover all my needs and the needs of our household, she can’t do a lot of what she would like for others for the holiday. But mostly, she won’t do things for herself that she should.
You feel guilty, even if you’re not guilty of what you were charged with that got you in this place to start with. You’re still guilty of something. Making shitty choices. Spending time with the wrong people. Maybe you are guilty of your…
