Three Hots and a Cot and Other Things People Get Wrong About Prison

Let’s talk about the reality of things.

Damian Delune

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Image from Spoon University

One of the misconceptions we see from a lot from people about prison is, “Well, at least you get three hots and a cot!” That’s a joke for sure. The image we chose is actually not bad, considering, although trust me, you don’t really want beans a lot, especially if you’re in a dormitory setting. There’s not much worse than a room full of men who’ve been fed beans and mystery meat.

But the fact remains, this meal isn’t the norm. You might get something this ‘tasty’ once a month or so. Plus, meals being hot is a true joke. Even if they’re supposed to be hot, they rarely ever are.

I’m not going to go into the times meals are served at this point because the schedule has changed and continues to so often, so as to not even be a schedule at all.

Breakfast during the week usually consists of oatmeal or grits. I’m in the South, where grits are supposed to be salty and buttery, but that’s rarely the way they’re served here. Sometimes they have salt, sometimes they have sugar (yuck) — sometimes, both (double yuck). The oatmeal ranges from watery to glue, guaranteed to have zero flavor. Eggs are a luxury. I think I’ve had a boiled egg twice since I’ve been in and only once did I get a whole egg, the other time it was half an egg. A handful of times, we had scrambled eggs. Those were considered good mornings for sure. Most mornings we have ‘toast’, which I put in quotes because you never know if it will be plain bread, semi toasted or burnt. It’s usually burnt. But definitely cold regardless. Everything is cold. Meat is rare, when we have it, it’s usually sausage links that are also burnt.

On the weekend we get pancakes. That sounds awesome but it isn’t. They’re never cooked properly, either under or over cooked. Also always cold, which I guess if you like pancakes is fine. Again, rarely any meat or eggs. Are you seeing a pattern here? Lots and lots of carbs, things that are full of calories and supposedly filling.

Lunch is usually a sandwich, which I’ve determined is supposed to be bologna. Sometimes there’s ‘cheese’, I really don’t know what the hell it’s made from. Plastic I think. It’s worse than the stuff that comes in a…

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Damian Delune

Incarcerated writer sharing real stories about life on the inside, through my wife, Demeter Delune (editor, publisher, promoter, responder)